Breast Cancer At 33 Years Old: This is My Journey

 

11-13-13 

 Having my mammogram due to a hard lump found in left breast.



*2 weeks prior to this picture, I felt a tingling sensation in breast. Then my breast felt engorged, and a hard lump seemed to have appeared from nowhere.  I automatically thought it was from the fibrocystic disease in my breast, so I cut the caffeine. No worries.  I knew it would go away.  My very close friend, which is a nurse, asked me to go get a cup of coffee.  I declined, because of trying to cure my "lump".  She felt it and immediately encouraged me to get a mammogram.  "Okay, I'll play the game to make you happy."  I am 33 years old, with no family history of cancer.  I try my best to eat healthy and organic when I can. It absolutely cannot be cancer! So here I am, taking my picture to prove to her that I went to get myself checked. Happy with no worries. Mammogram -check-. "Mrs. Schwebel, we need to do an ultrasound." Doctor comes in and looks at ultrasound and replies, "This is definitely not a cyst. We need to do a biopsy."  What?! What is a biopsy?!  Ouch! Needle biopsy was performed, and I will receive the results in a few days. 

 

 

 

11-15-13 (Friday)

I receive the call that I need to meet with my OBGYN on Monday morning at 8:00 am.  The doctor is out today and the nurse cannot give any information.  "Excuse me!"  I don't think so!! I stayed on the phone with the clinic.  Speaking to everyone possible to tell me what was going on.  Finally, by the afternoon, I had a doctor deliver the news, on speaker phone to my husband and I, that I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma ER+, Her2+ with a 2cm tumor.  WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! My husband grabbed me and held me. He just held me as tight as he could with tears. I cried, cried, and cried some more.  How could this be?  I have NO family history of cancer.  I eat somewhat healthy.  I'm active.  I had 2 children in my 20s.  I breastfeed.  Why???? What did I do wrong to cause this?  My husband and I both had no idea how to handle this.  Can I say again, I'm only 33 years old.  This doesn't happen to a 33 year old! How am I going to tell my kids?! We all know what cancer means - Death!!!! I want to see my son graduate and have a successful career and choose a beautiful wife.  I want to see my daughter graduate, I want to help her plan her wedding, who's going to help her learn how to become a woman.. My husband and I are suppose to retire and catch tuna in the deep sea together. :) We are suppose to grow old together! I WANT TO!!! How can a phone call take all that away from me in less than a minute?! How can a peanut size tumor change my life forever?

 I google a lot! I know they say don't google, but I want to know everything I can about what I am facing.  To my amazement, MANY young women are diagnosed with breast cancer with no family history of cancer (nice to know), there are over 3 million Breast Cancer survivors out there (extremely nice to know), most breast cancers are found through self exams (which I did), and I found helpful websites.  Here are a few:

www.mybcteam.com  (app is available)

(a social media for breast cancer patients, and survivors)

www.breastcancer.org

(discussion boards)

www.komen.org

 

11-16-13 (Saturday)

A new day! I ran a 5k! I bought a juicer and lots of fruits and vegetables.  I began to take my healing process into my own hands.  Only eating cancer fighting foods and NO red meats, No Dairy, and NO sugar.  (Those feed cancer cells) 

 

Next 2 weeks

Here we go.... Doctor's appointments!!!!

1) Appointment with OBGYN: "you have cancer" - no help at all

2) General Surgeon: Doctor gave me Dx.  Gave me statistics on the different procedures I could choose for my treatment. 

*Lumpectomy with radiation

*Mastectomy without possible radiation

*Double mastectomy (but didn't recommend this)

I didn't know what to choose!  I didn't go to school for this.  I don't have a clue about breast cancer and how it works.  So, I chose mastectomy for that Friday. 

3) Plastic Surgeon: Doctor gave me a video to watch about reconstruction surgery.  He felt my lump.  I'm not totally positive, but I don't think this doctor even looked at my Dx/records.  Doctor recommended double mastectomy.  What?! Now, what do I do? So many questions, so little time given to me to make decisions, and I'm scared to death! So, changed my surgery to Double Mastectomy.

This was somewhat surprising emotional to me:  to lose my breasts.  I didn't feel that attached to them.  But to never have feeling in them... uhmmm.. I don't know.  But whatever it takes to survive this, right? 

There was something that just wasn't sitting with me correctly with all of the decisions being made.  Why haven't I spoken to an oncologist yet?  Aren't those the doctors that studied cancer cells, how they work, and how to cure a patient? I'm too young for this!!!! I just want to scream!!!!

 

4) Oncologist appointment: Luckily, I have been speaking to other young breast cancer survivors that have been through this journey.  One of them suggested I request an appointment with an oncologist before I make my choice of surgery for my treatment.  Called the cancer center, spoke to the sweetest receptionist, which ironically is going through breast cancer treatment, and she made some calls for an oncologist to meet with me the day before my schedule surgery.  A radiation oncologist is all I could speak to, but that was good for me!  He spoke to my husband and I for more than 2 hours about my type of cancer, answered our questions, and also gave good advise of the surgery I could choose.  So, THIRD time a charm, I changed my surgery to a lumpectomy.  This change would delay my surgery date a week, because of the extra testing that needed to be done.  I felt much better about my decision and better educated about my choices I was making. 

 

5)  Breast MRI: I've had MRI's before, but never a Breast MRI.  Slight panic attack set in when I had to take off my top, hang by breasts in these holes on a table, be rolled inside a tunnel on my belly, with my head in a small dark hole, and then locked in the room.  Grrr! I moved slightly during the MRI (I had the shakes), but doctor said it will do.  Thank you JESUS!!! I don't want to ever do that again. 

 

Results from MRI showed nothing but the lesion of concern in left breast.  Good news.

 

Waiting Game: To wait for surgery to see what stage my breast cancer will be.  The anxiety of waiting, knowing I have breast cancer in my left breast, to be able to feel this hard lump that could possible take my life away, hindering me from watching my children grow up, to not grow old with my husband.  I'm only 33 years old.  Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? Once again, the overwhelming feeling of it all sets in. 

 

Day of Surgery 11-29-13 (Black Friday)

I cried all night before.  Just worrying.  Not knowing my future. 

The support of my family and friends throughout this was the best!! I had a whole cheering team in the waiting room.  I can't tell you how important that is to show up on a day like this.  To feel loved and hear encouraging words before surgery. 

 

The Axillary Lymph Node Dissection wasn't pleasant.  I didn't realize they had to inject radioactive material inside my breast that BURNED! I made it through it. 

Lumpectomy: Went under and woke up! That's a plus.. :)

Results: No lymph nodes were positive of cancer.  Yay!! Stage 1 Breast Cancer.

I did have an allergic reaction to prep material.. terrible, but hey, I'm on cloud 9 right now!

 

 

A week later:  Didn't have clean margins around tumor.  Oh no! Another surgery! DCIS cells were all around the margins and had to be removed.

 

 Day of #2 Surgery 12-20-13

Not too much anxiety before this surgery.  I'm just ready to get this all over with.  Went under and woke back up!

Results: all tissue was negative of cancer cells! Surgeon got it all the 1st time! Okay, I'm calling myself cancer free.  The Lord is on my side!!

 

Appointment with Medical Oncologist

Doctor is well educated and very nice.  He gave us statistics and his recommendations of treatment:

4 rounds of TCH

Herceptin for a year

Tamoxifen for 5 years

Full hysterectomy

 

I wanted a second opinion.  I wanted to know that I'm making the best decision for myself to live a long life.

 

2nd OPINION: 12-31-13

I chose to receive a 2nd opinion at a facility where they specialize in breast cancer, UAB.  I knew I was in the right place, when we walked into the door.  They performed more in depth ultrasounds, gave me more in detail prognoses, and recommended a slightly different treatment plan.

6 rounds of TCH

Herceptin for 5 years

Tamoxifen for 10 years

no Hysterectomy

*Went with 2nd opinion!

 

Getting ready for Chemo treatments:

Hair cut!! 10 inches cut off!! (Thank you Keisha)

 

 

My friend gets her LONG HAIR cut too!! To be supportive!!!

 

In the middle of all this, you have to remember your still a wife, a mom, and the same person.  My kids are reminding me everyday that I shouldn't worry.  I've GOT THIS!! With God's help.  This has given me a peace that comes from no other.  I wouldn't be able to handle this without HIM.  My kids bought me this while shopping with a friend.  It was just what I needed to hear!

 

1st Round of Chemo: 1-9-14

It was pretty scary to walk into the infusion room filled with recliners, TV's, nurses, and a whole lot of elderly people.  I don't belong here! I'm by far the youngest one here.  Luckily my husband was able to hold my hand as they injected my port for the 1st time with the first round of meds.  5 1/2 hours of injections, and I was done with no complications!

Day after Chemo was not that bad.  The bones in my legs hurt the worst with a little nausea.

4th day was rough.  The neulasta shot is worst than the chemo.  The bones in my legs are aching! I am taking Clartin D (was told this would help with the side effects of the shot), but it's not making it totally go away.  Nothing has a tastes either.  I'm drinking lots of water to flush out all of the toxins in my body.  This is to lessen the side effects of the chemo meds. 

 

TEAM NUNCI

FAMILY, FRIENDS, COMMUNITY has all come together to purchase TEAM NUNCI shirts to support me through this journey.  Profits are going to help needy women with breast cancer.  The smallest things help in the biggest way!!! *3/2014 we have raised over $700 and sold over 200 shirts!

 

 1-20-14

3rd, 4th, and 5th day I couldn't get out of bed.  I felt so tired and run down. It's hard to eat. When I finally did eat something, my stomach wasn't in agreement. I double the dosage on the probiotics and put an end to that problem.  The 5th day was the worse.  I think my husband and I felt like this is how I'm going to feel the whole 5 months. I know this is hard on spouses to have to handle everything in life.  They are thrown into an unknown with an expectation to remain strong.  It's possible, it's just as hard on the spouse as the one going through treatment.  Luckily, the 6th day started feeling better and so on.  I finally feel like myself again! First round of chemo was rough, but I made it!  (With help from family and friends)  I also have gained an appreciation of every morning I awake with the sun shinning through my window, my husband smiling at me, and the precious hugs from Ty and Kileigh.  I get it now.. "the present" is a gift from HIM! Don't waste your gift!!!

 

1-27-14

Very little hair left on my head.  Hair began to fall out Saturday (exactly 16 days after 1st chemo treatment).  My scalp has been tingling, almost sore like. I rubbed my hand through my hair and there it was - a handful of hair!! I don't know why I wanted to immediately get into the shower to wash the remaining hair away, but THAT WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA! Hair everywhere.. I cried and cried. We knew it was going to happen, I prepared myself for it to happen, but oh how I was not mentally ready.  It's a devastation that's indescribable.  I cried all day and woke up the next day in tears until....

I read on a social media site that a woman in her late 30's had past away due to cervical cancer leaving 3 young daughters behind.  I also read on another social media site that a woman my age with 2 young boys has been sent home for hospice due to there is no other treatment for her metastatic breast cancer.  Once a I read about these incredible, strong women - I said no more!  I will not cry about something so petty as hair.  There are so many other things out there that is worse than losing hair. 

Its hard to stay positive and strong when you hear of women my age dieing, because breast cancer has spread through their bodies.  It happens everyday, and I can't help to wonder if I'm next.  I had a friend tell me today that the "what ifs" comes straight from the devil. I got to keep telling myself that!!! Appreciate life, don't let it fly by, enjoy getting older and the wrinkles, love everyone around you and make this world a better place...

 

This is so petty, but can I say how nervous I was to wear this out in public for the first time!

 

 1-29-14

Yelp, my husband did it! He shaved his beard that he has had for the longest of time! It was uncomfortable for him to shave it, but he wanted to show support for me..

 





 Of all things to happen for my upcoming 2nd round of chemo.  A snow storm hits Birmingham, Alabama.  Facility is closed on the day of scheduled chemo treatment.  What?! I tried to get the oncologist in my hometown of Hattiesburg, MS to give me a treatment here.  My current oncologist called the cancer center and requested for them to do so, but Dr. Herrington - the oncologist, does not agree with the treatment I am receiving from UAB.  So, I have to wait a few days for my 2nd treatment to occur.  I hope and pray this doesn't hurt me in the future.

 

2-3-14

2nd round of chemo here I come!!!

 

I have a huge Team Nunci support system.  Here are a few picts:

 

 

2nd round was much worse than the 1st.  I really thought I was going to die.  I can't eat.  I have this taste in my mouth that makes all food taste like cardboard.  (Potatoes, chicken broth, crackers are the only thing I can stomach) I have a constant nauseous feeling.  I immediately began to feel bad with this treatment. The nausea meds cause horrible headaches or make me pass out. I take them anyway, due to the fact I do not want to get sick.  I'm also having some major hot flashes.  I was warned about this.  It's very common for chemo to induce menopause.  Lucky me.

Once again, 6th day I begin to feel better.  Yay! I made it!!  I have a lymph node on the back of my neck that is quite swollen.  I also have developed a bacterial infection (female area).  Visited OBGYN - Lymph nodes are doing their job - chemo is poison (reason for swelling). 

- Body can't fight off infection while on chemo, so this explains bacterial infection.  Placed on antibiotic (hopefully it will take care of it)

*word of advise for those going through treatments - I was able to plan a little bit better on how this chemo treatment will effect me.  We were able to ask for help on days I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of bed: prepare dinners, lunches, laundry, transportation, child care, and appointments.  (Thank you Meme for doing housework and taking care of kids while I'm down)  

 

2-11-14

My husband couldn't wait to give me my Valentine's Day present, so he gave it to me today!

 

Taking in regards of the first 2 treatments, I have 2 weeks to feel extremely well.  So, I want to make the most of it.. Celebrate life everyday. I find myself feeling lucky to have such a life threatening disease to realize how short of time we are given here on Earth.  So when our elders tell us:

*don't go to bed mad at each other

*tell your kids you love them every morning and night

*friends are really important to have

*don't sweat the small things

*appreciate what you have

*don't complain!

we must take their advise.  When you face death as a reality, the world looks different.  A lesson that seems to only be learned from experience. 

 

2-21-14

Super Hero Day!!!

Guess who she picked for her super hero? Nope, not Super Woman!

Her MOMMY!!! (I know, you can tear up! I sure did.) 

 

 2-22-14

Our company participated in the Mardi Gras Celebration with Mardi Gras themed TEAM NUNCI shirts - out enjoying life... cancer will not take everything away from me..

 

2-27-14

3rd round of Chemo

Yesterday, in the shower, I felt another lump in the same breast.  WHAT the CRAP! Can cancer grow while I am going through chemotherapy? Ugh! My oncologist, Dr. Falkson - from South Africa, has been wonderful!!! She examined the lump and understood my anxiety.  So another mammogram.  Oh, now I have to have an ultrasound..! Ultrasound shows that what I'm feeling in my breast is 100% a cyst! Thank you LORD! Dr. Falkson, being a woman herself, told me that I have lots of cysts in my breast and they are very dense.  Due to the fact that I will have cysts come and go for the next 30 years, I might want to consider a double mastectomy.  30 years of wondering every time I feel a cyst - is it cancer? NO THANK YOU!!! Double mastectomy it is! Of course, the surgery will have to be after chemo treatments are completed, but I have a plan and getting my mind wrapped around the whole losing my boobies and getting fake ones.

Now on to 3rd round of Chemo - 4 1/2 hours.  Watched the Big Bang Theory on ipad with CBS app.  Laughed the whole entire time.  I know the patients beside me thought I had lost my mind.  Everyone in there is so sad and sleepy - but not me.  I'll be that way tomorrow. :)

 

3-7-14

It's getting tougher with each round of chemo.  Nausea got to me this time.  No energy! The whole past week seems like a huge blur.  Hot flashes are not fun either! Something happened to my taste buds too.  I've been drinking water and only water this whole time, but now water tastes like pure salt! Yuk! Luckily, I found the water enhancers (DaSani and Minute Maid).  Made a huge difference in my water. I also can feel some depression setting in.  I am trying so hard to stay upbeat and positive, but knowing I can die from this - makes me want to scream!!!! What makes me special to survive this?  So many are telling me that I and anyone else could die in a car wreck any day.  Bring it!!! I would take dieing in a car wreck any day than knowing I'm going to die slowly due to cancer taking over my body. I know my faith is strong. I know I will go to Heaven when I die.  Why should I be scared of it? I guess it's the unknowing of death, and the fact of leaving my children and husband alone, with an emptiness.  I don't want that for them.   

People in my community, friends, family, and my sweet kids are so uplifting through this.  I know it's God speaking to me through these people.  "Mom, why are you sad? You know you don't have cancer anymore.", my daughter will say.  "Mom, why do you worry? You know it's the devil making you worry, right?", my son will say.  "You've been placed on my heart today.  Know God loves you and is right there with you.", multiple people will say to me.  I know it's HIM speaking to me!  So why do I worry about something I cannot change, something I have no control over?

 

Who is this person? I don't recognize her.  This can't be me, but oh it is me.  Chemo is hard, cancer is hard, losing your hair is hard, losing my breasts will be hard, being dependent on others is hard, having to wear scarves or hats in public is hard, not knowing my future is hard.  Maybe I should focus on the positives - Good things I can say are: I have an amazing husband, 5 minute showers, I still have eyebrows and lashes but no hair anywhere else (no shaving), my family has learned to be more independent and true beauty is not what we see on the outside, I've become a stronger person, I have a stronger faith, I know who truly loves me for me and will go beyond expectations just to make me happy or feel encouraged (true friends), I will never complain again about my hair, weight, clothes, age - so vein. 

 

3-10-14

I got a wig! I didn't think I would like a wig. In fact, I was anti-wig.  But I LOVE IT! No old ladies stopping me to ask if I have breast cancer in the grocery store.  Hehehe.  Those old ladies are sweet, but would rather for them not to ask me that. 

 

3-15-14

I felt like a healthy, normal 34 year old woman tonight with my sweet husband.  Like old times!! I need more days like this one.

 

3-20-14

4th Round of Chemo

A bit of a change up with this treatment.  I have been receiving treatments at a facility 4 hours from where we live.  It is difficult to arrange child care, dinner, a place to stay, gas, husband taking off work to take me to receive a treatment.  My OBGYN has set up for me to receive the treatments in a center 25 minutes from my house.  I met my Medical Oncologist today.  He was absolutely wonderful.  He Signed off on receiving Taxotere, Carboplatin, and Herceptin for today. I also let him know that every time I have an ache, I think it's cancer. :) He totally understood. He checked all my aches and pains - good bill of health.  Blood work was wonderful too except anemic (caused by chemo).  CT scan needed to check my heart, since Herceptin attacks my heart muscles.  Have appointment for April 3rd. Doctor did throw me for a lope: He agreed with the double mastectomy, but he didn't agree with the tamoxifen for 10 years. Arimidex is much more tolerable he says.  Tamoxifen is for pre-menopausal women with estrogen + tumors and has horrible side-effects, plus cervical cancer.  To avoid taking this drug, he recommends total hysterectomy.  Okie-dokie!!! I'm at the point now, that I want the least amount of organs that I can live without that can develop cancer. 

Chemo treatment went so very well.  4 hours in the recliner. I met the sweetest lady in the chemo chair next to me. She past the time away by knitting hats and shawls for some of the patients.  She is a 30 year breast cancer survivor, went through chemo, radiation, and surgery too. God sent her to me for her to share this with me.  She now is beating a long battle of another type of cancer in different organ for 12 years now with chemo and all.  She will be on chemo for the rest of her life.  Happy and sweet and loves the LORD.  She is an inspiring lady!

 

3-22-14

I wasn't able to attend Opening Day of Baseball due to the side effects of chemo, but I'm overwhelmed with sweet emotions when I was sent this picture of the State Farm Boys Baseball Team! Pink wrist bands, pink under the eyes and sweet smiles all in honor for me!

 

 

This treatment has brought throwing up, fatigue, migraines, and depression.  I hate being this sick. I absolutely can not drink anything.  The taste is horrible.  I know I'm close to dehydration as well.  I also have picked up a cold, and chemo doesn't just allow a simple cold.  It's a bad cold.  I guess I picked it up from watching both of my babies' night baseball games this week.  I haven't been able to watch very many games, and it breaks my heart and theirs.  Cancer not only effects me but everyone around me. My kids don't have a their momma right now, and my husband doesn't have his wife.

 

4-2-14

I went to my 1st Breast Cancer Survivor Support Group.  I met so many other women that have walked this path that I am now walking. I shared my diagnoses, side effects of chemo, fears or recurrence, fears of dying, and my blessings that cancer has brought to me.  They could relate to me, shared the same fears, and experiences.  No one understands a women's experiences while fighting breast cancer, UNLESS you're a breast cancer fighter yourself.  

My Blessings Cancer Has Brought Me:

*Appreciate your time with your children and spouse - slow down.  Baseball, soccer, gymnastics, etc can take away some precious family time.  They are only little for a very small amount of time.  

*Our children have been able to witness how to look to God and follow Him through a traumatic situation.  To trust Him no matter what.  And even if I am faced with death, to not be angry with God, but to Love Him and we will be together again in heaven for eternity. 

*My marriage is stronger than ever.

*I have grown in my faith (we all have) 

-you can't buy those things at Wal-mart-

 

4-5-14

Pink Ribbon Fund Tea Party with a great group of girls!!! Great way to get my mind off of being sick! So fun to be able to dress up and go have tea with my sweet daughter, friends, and breast cancer sisters.  I had a wonderful time until the very end.  I met a lady there that is fighting this horrible battle.  She really was just trying to be sweet and totally unaware that she scared me to death and placed me in a panic.  She had breast cancer for the first time years ago.  She fought it with chemo, and it came back a year later.  She fought the battle a 2nd time with chemo, and it came back at a later time.  Now years later, she is stage lV and not in good condition.  I, of course cried at my table and only could imagine me in this condition years later.  I finally regained my positive, fighting attitude!

 

4-10-14

5th Treatment

I hate going to get treatments.  I feel so good and full of energy right before it's time to get another treatment.  Not sick at all.  I will be down for 6 to 7 days.  The throwing up has been awful this past treatment, and not looking forward to it again. I do have some good support from family, friends, and even the State Farm Girls' Softball Team wore pink shirts today during their game in honor of me. Love being Loved!

 

 

 

Reaction to chemo a week and half after 5th treatment! It began with the bottom of my feet itching.  I clawed them all night and then the next night.  My arms began to swell and then my legs.  Lastly, red whelps all over my arms and legs.  Dr. prescribes steroids and benadryl. Oh, and for some crazy reason, I have obtained brown spots on the soles of my feet.  The bottom of my feet looks like an  old man's bald head, covered with liver spots.  I have asked Dr. what causes this.... no one knows, just a side effect of chemo.  Crazy?

 

Every patient will get their blood work checked before chemo is given.  Chemo is known to bring down red and white blood cells and platelets, damage liver and kidneys, along with lots of other things.  If anything is too low or an organ seems to be in stress, chemo will be placed on hold.  My blood work before my first 4 treatments have been really good.  This 5th treatment, I seem to be severely anemic and my red blood cells are very low.  Minimum count should not go under 13.  You need to be given blood at 7.  I scored a 9.  Doctors office told me there is nothing I can take or eat to increase this number, and I should be ready to have a blood transfusion before my 6th treatment.  Luckily, I have a mom that knows the foods I can eat to help increase my blood count, regardless what the medical staff says.  So, I begin to drink Almond milk smoothies with spinach, and snack on prunes, molasses, and drink grape juice.  We will see on next treatment day if my blood count increases.....

 

 4-26-14

Relay for Life 5K

My step-dad ran in honor of Team Nunci - He won Grand Masters! So proud of him.

 

4-28-14

I made it through this 5th treatment.  It was tough, but better than the one before.  My treatments are given on Thursdays, and I feel the very worst on the following Mondays and Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays.  For the first time, I was given fluids and nausea medicine through IV on Monday.  It was so hard to get dressed and endure the ride to the cancer center feeling drained and nauseated, but as soon I was hooked up to the IV with the nausea meds - It was instant relief.  I slept for 2 hours during the infusion.  I went home and slept the rest of the afternoon.  I was able to eat dinner that night for the first time ever on a Monday.  I did not get sick this time, which was a break through. 

My last treatment is coming up very soon.  Everyone around is so excited for me and keeps asking me how happy am I?  Surprisingly, I'm not happy as I should be.  This fear is choking me, "No more chemo.... cancer can grow without chemo... it will be up to my body's immune system to fight new cancer cells or kill any cancer cells the chemo missed... I can't have cancer again.. I can't go through this again...what if cancer comes back in my bones?..... I'll be on chemo treatments the rest of my life... I can't handle having treatments the rest of my life.. and I will never be cured if I get metastatic breast cancer.... ugh.. I hate these feelings of anxiety and fear... I feel weak and unchristian when these fears take over me... Dear God, I just don't want to know when I'm going to die.  Amen... I have met a few women that have been told there is nothing else doctors can do. They need to contact hospice and get everything in order for their departure.  I mean, how does a women, a mother, accept that they are going to die very soon?  Leaving their loved ones behind.  I can't help to put myself in this situation. I would want to die like a lady, not a screaming whinnie girl.  That would just make it 10x's harder on everyone else.  I know I will go to heaven when I die, but thinking back to my kids and husband.  I can't leave them so early.  I just can't!

 I have contacted other breast cancer survivors on these fear I'm feeling. They all said these feelings are very normal.  It's like "traumatic depression".  I've been fighting, fighting, going, going and now it's over.  You take a look back and can take a breath.  It's very overwhelming.  Glad to know I'm normal.  :)

 

5-1-14

Today is the Day

Okay, fears are gone... I'm one happy momma!!!! I know I'm going to feel bad for a week, but that's okay... JUST ONE MORE TIME!!!!

Blood work came back with blood being 9.6.  I guess the iron filled foods worked! No blood transfusion for me. BUT, platelets are very low.  (94)  Since this is my last treatment, doctor says he's going to go ahead and give chemo treatment, but otherwise platelets are too low for chemo.  I really don't understand what that means, but still happy this is my last treatment. 

Team Nunci

This has been the easiest treatment so far, beside the first one.  He changed my nausea medicine, which has help a lot.  I got fluids again, which has been a life savior.  The only thing I'm struggling with is fatigue.  It gets in the way - moms do not have time to be tired! I can tell when I over do it.  My body just shuts down and says GO TO SLEEP. 

I still have a little bit of hair on my head. I never went slick bald.  I have kept my eyebrows and eye lashes thus far.  Twice a day, I have applied eye lash growth product on eyebrows and lashes.  I don't know if this has kept them or not.  Some patients have kept them and 6 weeks after last chemo treatment lost them.  I am going to continue to apply product until 2 months after chemo.  I really don't want to loss my lashes or eye brows; it keeps me looking like a girl. 

 

Bilateral Mastectomy is scheduled for JUNE 6th.  Just a month away.  I'm nervous, but it can't be worse than chemo.  I hope??